Internet Friend

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I had a friend on the Internet,

One I will not soon forget.

He gave me advice,

We volleyed and served.

Then one day he disappeared,

It was obvious that I no longer deserved…

I should have known after all these years

Not to look forward,

It only leads to tears.

Somehow I let down an invisible wall,

Someone came in and I let them play ball.

***

Now it is over…

And, imagine that…

It has left me feeling …

Of all things…

F L A T

10 thoughts on “Internet Friend

  1. Sadly people do tend to disappear in this cyber world of the Interent. I’m sorry about y our friend It is said that if one does not feel they have not truly lived. Maybe you are not as flat as you percieve yourself to be.

    • Thank you, Sir.

      I do appreciate your comments. I was just hard because I was enjoying the back and forth banter of my friend, it added so much to this community.

      Well, que sera I suppose.

      Always, Me

  2. I bleed.

    +

    Each time

    you berate yourself

    a stake is pounded

    into my wrists.

    +

    Each time

    you take on blame

    the holes in my feet

    grow sore and fester.

    +

    Each time

    you hurt yourself

    the crown of thorns

    presses into my skull.

    +

    My face runs red

    with the blood of my tears.

    I would love you more

    but it is all I have.

    +

    When you decide

    to love yourself

    I will come down

    from my cross.

    +

    But not before.

    • I once had a friend; his wife accused us of having an affair, we were not. She started to stalk me; she tried to run me over with her car, she called my office and tried to get me fired, she tried to get him fired (silly thing to do when she was not working…), she called my husband, she emailed my husband… I made three separate police reports against her trying to get a restraining order against her, sadly I had to give up my friendship even though I did nothing wrong except reach out to somebody I was connected to.

      Many times I have been connected to somebody and have been viewed with raised eyebrows when I am simply being friendly and enjoying the company of another like spirited person… I never want to get in the way of their relationship. It hurts me to be in the center of such anguish, deserved or not.
      ***

      I know me better than anybody (other than probably one other person who seems to know me best), and I have many faults… they have been pointed out time and again from father, mother, sisters, (hmmmm… I just realized that my brother has never really said or done anything negative to me) husbands, and friends. I am like a sponge, and I soak up everything they say and I have owned all of it.

      I am certainly trying to reshape my mind into being something other than that rectangular shaped porous sponge that allows all of the negativity to fill those spaces… however, after so many years, it is challenging.

      When I was younger, I was always accused of thinking too much of myself; of believing I was pretty, smart, that I could do anything… it was true, I did believe those things. I thought that was self-esteem and that it was a good thing; I was berated for it and taught they were bad traits to have.

      As a result… well, I became the flat girl. I am trying to breathe life back into her.

      • I wish I was able to parry and share. My little prose/poem has been percolating for days and finally gushed out. It is meant only to say people care and when you hurt, they hurt as well. So if it is further motivation to serve others by serving yourself then you have received my message.

        I do hear your words and understand them. You know I care, I continue to read your words, and I have messaged you privately why I cannot regularly engage here anymore. May you continue to grow.

      • Your poem was beautiful, and I hear your words and understand. I do visit your blog, but am reluctant to “like” for fear of causing any problems… I hope you understand.

        Always, Me

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